Step down, back off
by Amethyst Icelyn
Summary: Liu Bei wants SSX to marry him. She doesn't want to. XQ agrees with her and will try to stop Liu Bei. But she figures she can't pull this alone, so she seeks help from the other Wu generals. A comedy, not to be missed and lot's of suprises.
1. Shocking news

**Step down, back off**

**Chapter 1: Shocking news**

**AN: Hi guys! My first DW fan is finally up. It is also my first. Now I know this story has a few similar storyline like other DW fiction but just read it! It's totally different. Words in italic go for people's thoughts. And well, it's mostly Liu Bei who gets bashed so this goes for Liu Bei haters only. This fiction has a few scenes from some famous movies. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Dynasty Warriors**

**INTRO:** **This is a story about a tomboy princess of Wu, Sun Shang Xiang a.k.a. Shang Xiang who doesn't prefer any men. Well she has friends; her main best friend is Xiao Qiao. A very complicated story about love and humor…**

It was about seven past in the evening. The sun was starting to set. The princess of Wu, Shang Xiang and her best friend, Xiao Qiao were hanging out in the palace gardens talking. Everything seemed perfect, the orange sun looming over the horizon, the wind, the stone tiles, the pond full of _koi_ fish and the _cherry trees_ swaying in the air. A few minutes later, one of the princess's lady guards, Hui Mei came running up to them. "Your highness, you are to marry the emperor of 'Shu'!"

The two friends heard this and turned to look at the lady guard.

"What the heck? Marry who?" Shang Xiang practically yelled.

"Liu Bei, the emperor of the kingdom of 'Shu'," said the lady guard.

"Eww….you've got to be kidding me!"

"I'm not kidding!"

"Excuse me," Xiao Qiao interrupted, "but how did this happen?"

"Why, by eavesdropping on your mother's conversation with Liu Bei, that's how," explained Hui Mei, "he requested for your hand in marriage since his past two wives passed away. He confronted your parents that it'll be a wise decision so we can ally up against the 'Wei' forces,"

"Perfect? My foot! We can do perfectly fine on our own without the 'Shu' kingdom!" Xiao Qiao exclaimed.

"But I'm not in favor to marry him and besides, I think I like someone else and this is what you call forcing me to marry him!" Shang Xiang went, "And besides, I heard some rumors that Liu Bei looks like a goat!"

"YES! YES! THIS IS ALL INSANITY!" Hui Mei said as she put her hands over her ears. She couldn't take the tension and pressure anymore. She felt pity for Shang Xiang because is she would to go with Liu Bei, it would be a **match made in hell.**

Hui Mei ran away with her hands still over her ears.

"You see what I mean," the princess began.

"I know, I know, everybody hates Liu Bei and pretty soon, he'll be showing his ugly face," her best friend sighed.

XXXXXXXXXXX

At the 'Wu elite council' office, most of the Wu generals didn't really agree on Shang Xiang's marriage to the Shu ruler.

"Have you all heard about Shang Xiang's engagement?" asked the princess's, elder brother, Sun Ce as he entered the grand looking council room. The council room had a round table. The carpets were red, so as the cushions and curtains. The only thing made of silk was the table cloth and the curtains.

"Yeah, it's written right there," the pyromaniac of Wu, Lu Xun pointed to a flier on the wall. Apparently, Lady Wu had ordered the guards to put up those dumb fliers which were personally designed by Liu Bei himself.

"Oh…." Sun Ce's mouth dropped open.

"So what are we gonna' do? I heard that this Liu Bei thinks he's someone high and mighty and adored by his people…." Said his wife, Da Qiao who was flipping through a book titled 'The Worst Possible Situations book'

"Ooh, I guess he's an alien who came to invade China!" said Taishi Ci. (In this fiction) He is huge sci-fi fan and a 'space geek-like' type. He's obsessed from out of this world and all the weird stuff. Sometimes, he himself sounded like an alien that's from outer space. He has a wild collection of Sci-Fi comics, videos, posters and a lot of merchandise.

Xiao Qiao sweat dropped. "Oh my God….oh yeah anyway, maybe Liu Bei isn't so high and mighty after all,"

"You think so?" everyone asked as they jumped out their seats.

"I'm not sure…I just suggested," the younger Qiao answered.

Sun Ce stood up, held his hands high in the air and clapped them. "Ok people, let's move! I heard that Liu Bei will arrive her two days from now. I want you all to make sure he doesn't marry Shang Xiang, OK?"

"Got it!" answered everyone.

For the whole night, they made plans to do everything they can to make Liu Bei let go, look like a fool and leave and never come back.

…………………

Sun Ce And that Shu bastard's never gonna' see that coming. He's gonna' get banged by a big yellow school bus and whacked by a big sword! (Evil smile on his face)

………………….

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Shang Xiang Pov

_Really…I don't want to marry Liu Bei. I don't feel right at all. I don't like him, I don't know if I like someone else, but….._

_I just hope the others could figure something quick before I'm spending the rest of my life in hell with a devil dressed in red, no I mean in green with a pitchfork laughing like a maniac._

End of Pov

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

**STEP DOWN BACK OFF SPEICAL**

**Interview with the Wu generals-on what they think about Liu Bei and Shang Xiang's marriage.**

Sun Ce: My sister marrying an idiot? WHY does the world have to be sooo cruel?

Sun Quan: Of all things she has to marry a stupid air headed idiot who flushed his manners down the toilet.

Zhou Yu: I feel sorry for Sun Ce. I know how it feels to loose a little sister to another kingdom. But I'm sure she'll kick Liu Bei in the weak.

Zhou Tai: I guess I feel sorry for Sun Quan. Now he's really mad at Liu Bei.

Xiao Qiao: What? My best friend…that stupid pervert wants to marry her? Kill him! Skin him alive and dump his body in the ocean!

Da Qiao: I think I have the same feeling as my sister. Kill that idiot!

Lu Xun: I feel sorry for everyone. Set Liu Bei on fire!

Lu Meng: I totally can agree with Sun Quan. I mean Liu Bei's always looking for trouble and he flushed his manners away.

Taishi Ci: Ooh, aliens…from Shu coming to invade us! Run for your lives!

Ling Tong: Shaddup Taishi Ci! Their not aliens, they are idiotic swine!

Huang Gai: Can I crush Liu Bei to pieces now?

Gan Ning: that Liu Bei! He is gonna' marry my woman!

Ling Tong: Ooh, crush…

Gan Ning: Shaddup you!

**From the princess herself,**

Shang Xiang: I can't believe this! '_Murder-lize_' Liu Bei! Oh and for the note, Gan Ning is just a friend and I AM NOT HIS WOMAN! I'm his friend.

……………………

Well that's about it, everyone is standing by. They're about to go through the ultimate task. If they fail, it can change a life forever. Shang Xiang's future now depends on them. They're all prepared for the coming challenge.

**AN: Well end the chapter. Anyway, next chapter the real fun begins; the full plan will be in action. I know this chapter sucks; it's only the preparations. That's all, bye! Ps. don't blame me if this chapter sucks. Sorry if it does. But the preparation chapters always do suck, right?**

**Glossary and explanation**

**Koi fish- A beautiful kind of fish that actually originated from Japan. **

**Cherry trees- Yes, this is the 'sakura' tree. Sakura trees do not only exist in Japan, but in China and Korea as well. Just so happen that in Japan it is known as 'Sakura', in China, it's known as 'Ing Hua' or 'Yeng Hua'. But I'm not sure what the Koreans call it. In English, it is known as the 'cherry blossom tree' or 'cherry tree'. **

**Murder-lize- some silly word that my friend made up. I don't really think it exist in the dictionary.**

**Liu Bei and Shang Xiang are totally a MATCH MADE IN HELL!!!**


	2. Trouble at first sight

Chapter 2: Trouble at first sight

**Step down, back off**

**Chapter 2: Trouble at first sight.**

**Well my second chapter's up. Wondering what happens next? This chapter is guaranteed to make you laugh! And for everyone, just call them their names without their surnames. Has a scene from the movie 'Mean Girls'. XD**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Dynasty Warriors.**

A few weeks later, it was the arrival of the Shu ruler. He was going to visit and stay at the palace of Wu for a few days. Most of the people gathered outside the palace, waiting for his arrival. For some reason, the weather that day was terrible and complains could be heard. Most of them began to think that this was going to be a very unlucky day.

"It's been hours since we've been waiting here!" growled Sun Ce in frustration.

"And that 'thing' still hasn't arrived yet!" Da Qiao exclaimed as she fanned herself with her weapon.

"Yeah right, he must be trying to get us killed!" said Zhou Yu.

"I say we burn him!" Lu Xun suggested as he raised his fist.

"YEAH!" everyone suggested.

Just then, everyone heard some horse footsteps. People were making noise.

"?"

"….."

"What is that?"

"I can't see!"

"Hey what's going on?"

"It's…it's… Liu Bei!"

"Finally…."

At first, they all thought of Liu Bei who was someone high and mighty. But no, he looked like a scrawny looking man with the face of a goat. He was accompanied by his sworn brothers, Zhang Fei and Guan Yu, his advisor, Zhuge Liang and one of the Shu generals, Huang Zhong.

"Is this counted as a looser?" Xiao Qiao wondered as she put her finger to her lip and began to think. Everyone stared at Liu Bei who newly arrived at the Wu palace for the princess.

"Err… are you Liu Bei of 'Shu'?" asked Sun Quan, Shang Xiang's second older brother curiously.

"Of course I am," Liu Bei replied, trying to act grand but actually he's not, "I'm riding a grand horse."

Xiao Qiao pointed at him. "No you're not; you're just taking two coconuts and banging it together!"

Once she finished her last sentence, all eyes were on the Shu ruler who just kept on banging the coconuts. On that day, none of the horses at the stables at Shu wanted him to ride on their back because he had a very unpleasant smell. Once he got out of bed, he threw tantrums because Guan Yu ate the last pork bun that he had wanted to eat. And as he threw tantrums, he went, "I don't wanna bathe!"

Back to his current situation, he just stood there dumbfounded with nothing to say. He could do nothing but keep banging the coconuts. People were thinking '_Arrgh! That dumb sound, knock it off!_'

"By the way, where did you get those coconuts? Never really seen them around lately…" Ling Tong broke the silence.

Liu Bei replied in a snobbish manner as if he's so proud. He was still banging the coconuts, "We found them."

"But this region of China's a temperate country! You can't expect to find coconuts here!" said Lu Xun.

Liu Bei was caught. He didn't know what to say. He didn't even know where the hell he found those coconuts. "Well, maybe the coconuts migrated somehow but I won't tell you! And if you excuse me, I've gotta' go meet my future wife!"

He walked into to the palace rudely with no manners, still banging those two coconuts together and left the others to stare blankly at him. They were really pissed off and could not tolerate this nonsense anymore.

Sun Ce was the one who was irritated the most. "Is that idiot really gonna be Shang Xiang's husband?

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Shang Xiang starred at Liu Bei in shock. She was wondering what was a 'hideous-looking-old- man-who-was-more-than-probably-half-her-age-and-had-the-face-of-a-goat' doing in front of her.

"Greetings my princess," Liu Bei greeted as he bowed down as if he was o' hailing her as if she were the God, I mean Goddess.

"Step on him!" whispered Xiao Qiao who stood beside the princess.

Shang Xiang lifted one foot and almost stepped on him. But before she could, he got up and she quickly put her leg down. "DAMN!"

Liu Bei got up and stood on his legs. "I have come from a far to ask for your hand in marriage,"

Xiao Qiao felt like running to the bathroom to throw up.

"Hey, where are you from?" asked Shang Xiang.

Liu Bei stared blankly into space. "Err…"

He spotted the world map on the wall that was behind Shang Xiang. He saw a large piece of green that was written 'Africa' in bold black. Oh my God, what a dumb Shu ruler who doesn't even know his own address. And you don't suppose the SHU KINGDOM OF CHINA in the 'Romance of the three Kingdoms' era was located in AFRICA, do you?

"Africa," said the dumb Shu ruler.

The two girls just blinked at him.

"If you're from Africa, than why are you white?" asked Xiao Qiao in a blur manner like a character named 'Karen' from the movie 'Mean Girls'.

"Oh my God!" Shang Xiang exclaimed, "You can't just ask people if they're white, you've got to…EWWWW! "

She was cut off by Liu Bei who was starring at her with a seductive face. (Yeah right, he is a real perverted pansy.) Poor Shang Xiang could not tolerate or ignore that look anymore. In a second, she zoomed off hoping that he would forget about chasing her. But he did. He followed her like a pet with full speed. Xian Qiao panicked, "Oh somebody call the exterminator…EXTERMINATOR!"

Sun Ce and Quan busted in the room like how they do it in an action packed movie.

"Did someone call us?" asked the older Sun.

"I don't know, brother," said the younger Sun, "What do you think?"

Xiao Qiao smacked her forehead in disbelief. "Over here,"

Sun Ce turned and looked at her standing all alone. "Oh I see you. What's the prob'?"

"Well, if you ask me…that FREAK Liu Bei is chasing after your '**mei-mei'**!"

"What the? No way! We're gonna walk right up to him, stick a sword in his guts and pull out his stomach!" raged Sun Quan as he clenched his fist.

"Then let's go," said Sun Ce as he picked up a pitchfork, followed by Sun Quan who picked up a broom stick that was lying on the floor. Both brothers ran towards a random direction.

"Wait!" the younger Qiao called for them to stop. "He went that way," she pointed in the opposite direction from where they were going.

"Oh yeah, let's go get em'!"

"Hey I wanna come too…………..wait for MEEE!!" Xiao Qiao yelled as she grabbed a chair and ran after them.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Shang Xiang ran the race of her life. Liu Bei keeps on chasing her until they circle the entire perimeter of the Wu kingdom. She runs in the village trashing people's stuff and all like breaking the cloth lines, breaking down carts and lot's of those kind of stuff. They'd better stop this stupid act because people were watching. I mean, Liu Bei should stop it, not Shang Xiang.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

The people watching,

Villager 1: Wow! That's cool! I didn't know the princess had a lot of strength.

Villager 2: Yeah, I thought she was gonna' be sissy girl in Barbie world.

Pathetic wannabe: Huh? Why is the princess running?

Pathetic wannabe's mom: (Called from a window) Hey Pathetic wannabe! You forgot to change your underwear!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Back to the scene,

Shang Xiang ran into an alley until the end. A sign was written on the wall that said 'Dead End' and had a drawing of a skull and bones were there but the skull did look totally dorky, though. She could feel the presence of Liu Bei getting nearer. She leaned with her back facing the wall in fear. She felt totally helpless. She couldn't do anything. She felt like a deer caught in the headlights. "Oh no, I'm dead!"

"I've got you know my sweet baboo…" said Liu Bei as he puckered his lips to makes slurry kissing noises.

'_Baboo? Isn't that a African word? _Shang Xiang thought for a minute.

"Come to the dark side…join me!" Liu Bei's fake 'Darth Vader' accent sounded pathetic.

"Never in a million, gazillion years!"

"Then deal 'Roachy'!" said the Shu ruler as he pulled out a cockroach from his pocket. I mean, talk about it, he is totally not hygienic. He is so dirty. He keeps a cockroach in his pocket. You can't imagine what else can be found in his pocket. I wonder if he even washes his clothes.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Just at that moment, the three saviors appeared.

"Need any help?" asked Sun Ce.

"Oh, yes, yes!" responded the Shu ruler immediately.

"Not you, the girl!"

"…….."

"YES! GET THIS BAD RUBBISH AWAY FROM ME!" yelled the princess.

Sun Ce grabbed Liu Bei by the collar and yelled, "Listen, Liu Bei, you punk! You get your frickin' hands off my sister or you'll be spending the rest of your life in the daycare center for idiotic scums like you!"

"So? Like I care…"

Before you knew it, Liu Bei's ass got kicked and he flew all the way to outer space, I mean to the village dump.

"Are you ok?" Xiao Qiao asked as she ran over to Shang Xiang.

"I'm fine," Shang Xiang replied.

Sun Quan looked around. "Ok, this is it; I just hope that idiot won't come back,"

"I don't wanna marry that idiot," wailed the princess.

"Don't worry, you won't have to," said Xiao Qiao, "We'll find a way to get rid of him right guys?"

"Yeah!" answered both the Sun guys.

"I think Liu Bei's using some African black magic,"

"Africa?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Well, after that incident, Liu Bei was bandaged all over. He was sitting still like the mummy from Egypt. The people came crowding around him.

"My lord, are you ok?"

"Does that hurt?"

Is it painful?"

"….."

Liu Bei's POV

_I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive them!_

End POV

……………_._

Back to the Wu council,

They just found out that Lady Wu had been planning a banquet for Liu Bei.

"Oh crap! We've chased Liu Bei of! Your mom's so gonna' kill us!" Da Qiao panicked as she looked at her husband.

Just to let you know that Lady Wu approves their marriage. But her husband doesn't really. And her husband is away in this fiction.

"Don't worry, my mom isn't that fierce, she's…." Sun Ce sputtered his words out. He didn't want his wife to know that he was also in panic and didn't know what to do.

"A vampire…" his younger brother finished his sentence for him.

(Horror music plays)

"What do you mean? She can stand sun light," Zhou Yu was trying to be reasonable.

"WRONG!" said Sun Ce, "Vampires of royal blood can stand sunlight,"

"But is she's a vampire you're one too, right?"

"Am I?"

"I mean she's soooo fierce! So strict! And always want everything to be perfect. She'll whack us up even if there's a bit of an unperfected thing. You know, sometimes even I get scared of her," Sun Quan cut in.

"Ok! Enough talk, so what should we do?" Lu Meng shut them all up.

"I have a plan. Go apologize to Liu Bei first then after the banquet we start being mean to him," suggested Lu Xun.

"Great idea, I love it! C'mon guys, let's go and be a fake friend!" Xiao Qiao said as she got up from her seat and walked out of the door.

Just then, Shang Xiang enters the room and overhears the plan. "Hey, don't get too friendly,"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Em, Liu Bei…" the three of them arrived in a very angelic manner.

"WHAT?" the dumb Shu ruler moaned in pain.

"We just wanna apologize and we're hosting a banquet tomorrow,"

"Really?"

"Yeah!"

"Oh take this," Xiao Qiao handed Liu Bei a bunch of flowers which were all wrapped up and could not be seen at all.

"You're all forgiven for giving me there pretty flowers," said Liu Bei as he took the wrapped up flowers form the younger Qiao.

The three of them run out of the room as fast as they can. Want to know why? It' s all planned. Find out in the next chapter.

**Well that's all for my second chapter. What will happen between Liu Bei and the poison Ivy? Will he discover their plan? A love triangle is surely going to be in the next chapter. And a banquet war! Well, who wants to kick that frickin' asshole Liu Bei's ass? Stay tuned! **

**Oh yeah, and the word 'mei-mei' means 'little sister' in Chinese. It was really cute and I had to use it. I could actually add more Chinese suffixes. And what's with Liu Bei having a goat face, my friend, Mel's sister said so.**


	3. Banquet Wars

**Step down, back off**

**Chapter 3: Banquet wars**

**AN: The third chapter's finally up. Incase you we're wondering, here is the love triangle (GNxSSXxLB). It will surely take place here. And this chapter is all about a food fight. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Dynasty Warriors**

Zhuge Liang: "MY LORD!" screamed Zhuge Liang as he ran over to Liu Bei to grab the wrapped up flowers from Liu Bei.

"What are you doing?" asked Liu Bei. "The Kingdom of Wu gave that to me! That younger Qiao did,"

Zhuge Liang cleared his throat. "Well, it's poison ivy! I saw her getting it from someone. Luckily I'm here; we don't want to loose you! And that idiotic girl, she should know better than to pick poison ivy!"

"That little devil, I bet she didn't know," Liu Bei clenched his fist. He stopped and looked at a note on his bed that was written 'SUCKER!' He started whining because someone called him a sucker. Zhuge Liang just starred at him. Actually that note came along with the poison Ivy.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Shang Xiang Pov

_I really hate this! I have to marry a rotten old man like Liu Bei! I mean hello! I'm only eighteen years of age and he is over thirty. What a creep! I might even have to live with his dead body for his stupid sake!_

_Oh my gawd! If I ever married him, I'll be the one to slid his throat and make all the blood spill out like a waterfall. And I'll be known as the Shu emperor slayer! Mua ha ha ha ha ha!_

Out of Pov

XXXXXXXXXXXX

The banquet was set. Everything looked so neat; too bad it won't be later! The servants were busy going in and out of the kitchen just to serve two people.

"Yeah, I want more wine!" Zhang Fei shouted.

"Shaddup! You're so noisy!" Guan Yu scolded as he hit his sworn brother on the head.

The servants were speechless.

"?"

"……………"

XXXXXXXXX

At Wu's side of the table, the fellow Wu generals were getting really pissed off.

"Look at how those pigs eat," Zhou Yu slammed his fist on the table as he looked across the table at they was Liu Bei's sworn brothers were eating. Just then, Taishi Ci walked into the room.

"Where were you all this while?" asked Zhou Yu who turned to look at him.

Taishi Ci replied happily, "Oh I saw this movie where aliens from Mars attacked China! And I was reading my alien comic book, ain't that cool?"

Most of the generals at the table growled silently in frustration and the others smacked their foreheads in disbelief.

"I wonder how the poison Ivy is working out…" Xiao Qiao wondered out loud.

Lu Xun blinked. "Oh sorry, what was that again? Taishi Ci's aliens were distracting me,"

Xiao Qiao got frustrated. "How many times have I told him not to talk about aliens?"

"Aliens, where?" Taishi Ci went chasing after something random.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

"You are ok sitting next to that idiot?" Gan Ning asked. He is one of Shang Xiang's good friends. He seems to be always there for her and always care for her. Besides Liu Bei, He seemed to be following her around all day like a pet. He has a secret crush on her but he doesn't dare tell. But Ling Tong found out during an interview.

"Err…yeah," answered Shang Xiang. She was concerned. Why was he caring so much for her?

"Call me," he smiled and walked away.

"Err, incase you didn't notice or incase you haven't heard, there are no cell phones in the dining hall!" she called over to him. She almost added the word 'stupid'. Shang Xiang starred at Liu Bei and his generals and thought for a while '_Damn his sworn brothers are pigs! They're all pigs!' as she watched them eat._

She was hesitant to sit next to Liu Bei. She reminded herself that it's only for dinner. She gathered her courage and walked up to the empty chair next to him. She hopes the others did something to sabotage his chair, like put some super glue on it.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Shang Xiang Pov…

_GET ME OUTTA HERE!_

End of Pov

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Any news yet?" Zhou Tai asked Sun Quan who was spying on Liu Bei from a far was using a pair binocular.

"No," Sun Quan replied.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Okay, let's all eat!" Liu Bei pigged on his food like how a swine does. Most of the Shu generals began to eat, but not the generals from Wu.

"Hey, since when does he give the message?" Sun Ce was on rage. "Am I supposed to?"

"I think he might try to overrule us. I don't like the idea of that parasite being our leader," said Da Qiao.

Xiao Qiao stood up from her chair. "Ok guys, I'm gonna annoy them for real right now"

She pointed at Huang Zhong who sat across the table and screamed, "Oh my, gosh! That old man's pregnant!"

Lu Xun played alone. "But he is a man!"

This made Huang Zhong very pissed off. "Shut up you 'chibi' monkeys! Just because you're young, small, cute and innocent doesn't mean you can be so rude!"

Xiao Qiao and Lu Xun got really mad. They couldn't stop sulking because some old guy whom they didn't even know scolded them as if he was their mother. The rest of the generals from Wu began eating.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Shang Xiang's Pov

_Ok, GET ME OUTTA HERE! I can't eat! I don't feel like! I can only watch him eat like a neat freak while his sworn brothers pig on the food! You won't wanna' know what he's doing!_

_He takes spoon and scoops a spoonful of rice out from his rice bowl. He puts it on his plate, separates a GRAIN of rice from the others and tries to cut the grain of rice into half using a chopstick. At first he was pigging on his food, but now he's a neat freak….how weird!_

_I feel like melting…_

_Just then my mom (Lady Wu) comes from the kitchen. "Is everything alright?"_

"Yup," I lie.

_I hate this. My dad's in a conference now and my mom's in charge just for this few days until my dad gets home._

She _starts skipping away like a little kid saying, "I'm gonna' get the camera," loud enough for everyone to hear. I know what she's thinking 'Her only daughter's first engagement banquet'._

_I can hear Ling Tong saying, "There are already C.C.T.V in this area,"_

End of Pov

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

After Liu Bei finished doing his 'neat freak' stuff, he moved on to flirt with Shang Xiang. First, he moved nearer o her and then, he said, "Hey beautiful….makes me wanna make you feel better," he finished off with a cat growl.

"Where are your manners?" the princess was disgusted.

"Err…I went to toilet…."

"And let me guess, you flushed it down?"

"Exactly…"

"EWWW…"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Xiao Qiao's mouth dropped open. She didn't like what Liu Bei was doing.

"Mei-mei, are you OK?" Da Qiao asked as she waved a hand in front of her sister's face. Even Shang Xiang's brothers couldn't believe what was happening.

"Damn that pig! He's flirting with my woman!" Gan Ning was in rage.

Everyone at the Wu side of the table went, "Ooh, crushing on her are you?"

Gan Ning blushed. "Shaddup you!" He picked up a pie and threw it at Liu Bei's face.

"No, Gan Ning! Don't! You'll be in big trouble by…." Ling Tong tried to stop him but it was too late.

SPLAT!

The pie landed on Liu Bei's face. He slowly wiped it off

'_Phew! Thanks for saving my life!' _Shang Xiang thought a she wiped the sweat off her forehead. She couldn't thank Gan Ning enough.

Before you knew it, both of Liu Bei's sworn brothers yelled, "FOOD FIGHT!"

The Shu generals threw some food towards the Wu generals.

"TAKE COVER!" Sun Quan yelled as he quickly hid under the table. The Wu side of the table quickly hid under the table or behind the chairs.

Xiao Qiao handed Sun Ce a plate. Sun Ce grabbed the plate and threw it at Huang Zhong. The plate hit Huang Zhong right in the head. He fell to the ground with 'X-eyes'. (That means he is dead)

"YES, SCORE!" Sun Ce cheered as he pumped his fist in the air.

"My lord, Huang Zhong just died!" Zhuge Liang came reporting what had just happened to Liu Bei.

Liu Bei thought for a while. "Leave his dead body. You must all sacrifice your life for me! You shall be rewarded in heaven!"

Zhuge Liang's mouth dropped open. Liu Bei pulled out a pair of handcuffs and handcuffed his right hand to Shang Xiang's left hand.

"You idiot! Where did you get that?" Shang Xiang's face went red in anger.

"I broke in a local police station," said Liu Bei.

"YOU WHAT?"

He tried to drag her out of the hall; they were sitting near the door. She pulled out a sign 'HELLP'. She held it up high enough for the others to see. The Shu emperor tried to grab it. She grabbed it back and this caused a 'tuck-o-war' out of the paper. At last, she manages to tear the 'P' out.

"Hell?" Liu Bei asked as he looked at the torn piece of paper that he was holding. Shang Xiang quickly grabed it and stuffed it in his mouth. He almost died because he chocked on the paper.

"I'll teach you a lesson! Don't mess with the princess!" Shang Xiang said proudly. A second after that, Liu Bei managed to cough out the paper and drag her away as she struggled.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

On the other hand, Xiao Qiao, Lu Xun and Gan Ning were also watching the 'HELL' incident.

"Over my dead body!" Xiao Qiao yelled as she quickly dove under the table, making a beeline towards the incident. The only safest way was from under the table. Lu Xun noticed her going under the table and followed.

"Hey Xiao, wait! You don't have proper strategy!" Lu Xun called over to her.

Gan Ning also noticed this.

"MY WOMAN!" he yelled as he followed Xiao Qiao and Lu Xun.

When they were all under the table, Lu Xun couldn't help but ask Gan Ning why was he following them.

"To save my woman!" the ex-pirate answered proudly. (When he means 'my woman', means you know who.)

Lu Xun teased him, "Ooh, crush,"

"SHADDUP YOU!" Gan Ning yelled.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Zhang Fei went around hitting people with a wine bottle while saying, "Die! Ha ha ha! Die!"

"Ahhhh! Aliens are invading!" Taishi Ci screamed as he ran around with his hands up in the air.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"We've gotta' win this thing!" Sun Ce yelled as he threw more and more food)

"I'm afraid we can't…" said Taishi Ci very sadly.

Zhou Tai grabbed Taishi Ci by the collar. "Space aliens you believe, why can't you believe in this simple thing like winning?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Xiao Qiao and the others kept on crawling until they reached their destination. . The scene out there was like a battlefield. Plates were thrown everywhere and food was wasted.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Shang Xiang kept pulling at the handcuffs. "Stop! Let go of me!"

Liu Bei refused to let her go. "NEVER, you are my bride!"

Shang Xiang kicked him in the crotch and draged him across the floor)

A second later, Xiao Qiao and the guys arrive.

"Help!" Shang Xiang screamed.

Xiao Qiao handed her a hairpin to pick the lock. She, Xiao Qiao and Lu Xun manage to take cover under the table before Gan Ning could. Just as he was about to, Lady Wu entered and caught him red handed.

"OH MY GOSH!" she screamed.

Everybody froze. Suddenly Liu Bei snapped out of his pain in the 'weak'. He stood up slowly and walked over to Lady Wu.

"He started this," he pointed to Gan Ning.

Before you knew it, Lady Wu became plain demonic. Gan Ning had to clean up the entire dining room while wearing a dress and a shawl. Not only that. He had to clean up the toilets like a janitor and dance ballet in front of the village kids in a ballet tutu.

"I hate life!" he grumbled.

At night after the banquet, Shang Xiang stood alone on her balcony.

"Liu Bei's so evil!" she sighed.

All she could do in the dining hall just now was give Gan Ning an 'I'm sorry' look. It was very funny to see him in a dress and a shawl.

TO BE CONTINUED.

**To be continued in the next chapter. Ps. Sorry if Gan Ning's punishment was bad. But don't worry, he'll get back at Liu Bei soon enough.**


	4. Night disturbance

**Step down, back off**

**Chapter 4: Night Disturbance**

**AN: The fourth chapter's finally up. As you know, the fight continues. And for Xiao Qiao, I'm changing it to 'Xiao' for this whole fiction. It makes her sound cuter.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Dynasty Warriors**

* * *

Later that night,

Xiao Qiao: (Complains) Didn't we give him poison ivy? How come it didn't turn up right? How come nothing was wrong with him?

Sun Ce: I think his strategist must have told him. After all, he did pas by us when we were buying that poison ivy from one of the local store.

Da Qiao: Yeah, I heard a scream, "No my lord!" and things about poison ivy while I was passing by the guest room some time ago.

Xiao Qiao: Oh, ok. Thanks for your help, bye!

She runs off down the hallway as her sister and brother-in-law head for the meeting room.

…………….

The meeting,

The Wu generals assigned a meeting, on to discuss what their next move was. Only three of them are there. The others are on their way.

Da Qiao: What are you doing?

She asks as she saw Ling Tong putting a brick on top of the meeting room entrance.

Ling Tong: Oh, I'm trying out a new technique and I want to see who it gets.

Da Qiao: Oh, Ok… (She goes and sits next to Sun Ce who was also sitting in the meeting room)

Just then Liu Bei enters.

Liu Bei: Has anyone seen the princess?

The block falls and hit his head. But he did not seem to move, shout or anything. He just stands still. He didn't notice anything. How blur!

Everybody: What the? Hey, get out!

Once he was out of the room, he makes a dash for his life.

Liu Bei: (Thoughts) Hmmm, it its so hard to find her. Even if it's so simple.

He continues to search for her.

The rest of the council arrives and they take their places.

Sun Ce: Ok, this situation is way in danger!

Sun Quan: Totally, I mean Liu Bei's one stubborn idiot. It's so hard for him to let go, or do anything!"

Da Qiao: Yeah, duh! Totally! And there's Gan Ning who loves her as well-a love triangle.

Zhou Yu: Wait a minute; are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

Da Qiao: Yeah, we get her to go with Gan Ning and Liu Bei will get lost.

Sun Quan: Great idea! But does she like him?

Zhou Yu: I don't know. Maybe, maybe not. She's always calling him an 'empty-headed-maniac'. Right, Xiao? (He turns to Xiao who is sleeping)

Xiao Qiao doesn't respond. Instead, she has her face buried in her arms while sleeping on the desk.

Zhou Yu: XIAO!

Xiao Qiao: (Wakes up) Oh, Oh! Yeah right! You guys have got a good plan.

Just then, Taishi Ci enters the room with a goofy alien spaceship hat, an alien goofy outfit and a tape recorder that played that weird alien sound. In other words, it's known as the 'X-files' theme song.

Taishi Ci: (He lifts his hand up in a 'Hi' sign) Í come in peace. I come from…Mars. I lost my red rock, I came here to play rocks and I lost it and after that I went home one hour after that. I took one light year just to come here to play rocks. And I found out my red rock was missing, so I took another light year just to come back here.

Sun Quan: Get out of here, you're weird!

Others: YEAH!

Taishi Ci: Aww man, I can't play 'Alien' with the others…

He walks out of the room sadly.

Sun Ce: Alright, council dismissed.

Everyone begins to leave.

Xiao Qiao: Finally, I can get some sleep.

……………..

Romeo and Juliet…

Gan Ning: (Knocks on Shang Xiang's room door)

Shang Xiang: (Opens the door) what the? Weren't you supposed to be cleaning the toilets?

Gan Ning: I'm done, and I came to see you.

Shang Xiang: (Blushes) For what?

He actually has come to confess his true feelings for her.

Gan ning: Just to tell you that…

They are suddenly interrupted by a voice outside which talking in poetry style. Shang Xiang rushes to the balcony to see who it was. And guess who? Liu Bei. He is reciting the Romeo and Juliet lines.

The minute he sees her come out, he starts.

Liu Bei: **_What light through beyond the window breaks? It is the east and Juliet is the sun, arise fair sun and kill the envious moon, who is sick and pale with greed and that thou, her maid is more fairer then she is_.**

…………….

Lu Xun: What is going on? (Goes to the balcony to watch)

He sees Xiao Qiao at the balcony using a pair of binoculars to spy on Liu Bei.

Xiao Qiao: I don't know, but I think our famous dumb ass here is trying to do a Romeo and Juliet.

Lu Xun: Hey, I thought you were sleepy! (Points to her)

Xiao Qiao: Well, I thought of watching late night TV, 'The Romeo and Juliet fake version'. Oh look! Liu Bei is starting his lines!

Lu Xun: Really? Oh let me see. (Grabs the binoculars)

The both of them laugh like mad because Liu Bei's acting was terribly dorky.

Lu Xun: He makes a terrible Romeo…

………………...

Shang Xiang: (Stares at Liu Bei in horror) what is all these?

Gan Ning: Who's it?

Shang Xiang: Same old, same old.

Gan Ning: (Walks over to the balcony and looks) Hey, nobody plays 'Romeo and Juliet' with my woman!

Gan Ning stomps out of Shang Xiang's room in rage.

Shang Xiang: Hey, where are you going?

Before anything could happen, she hears a sound. Liu Bei is gone-it sounds like he was kidnapped. But actually he was pulled by Gan Ning into a near by bush.

Liu Bei was in shock, by the fact he was held tightly by the collar.

Gan Ning: Listen, punk! You'd better stop flirting with my woman or else I'll kick your…

Liu Bei: What? Kick what? Oh just go back to cleaning the toilet, toilet boy. Shang Xiang's a princess and I'm a king and you're a pirate. Shouldn't the princess go with a king and not a low down pirate like you?

Before you knew it, a catfight starts. Leaves are flown out of the bush as they are punching, biting, kicking each other and even pulling each others hair.

Lu Xun: Wow! Cat fight between boys, this is so damn rare!

Xiao Qiao: Bring on the dogs!

Shang Xiang: What the hell's going on?

Everyone is awakened by this.

Just then, Lady Wu arrives.

Lady Wu: What the hell is goin' on here?

She sees Liu Bei lying on the ground, all beaten up.

Lady Wu: LIU BEI, WHO DID THIS TO YOU?

He just moans in pain. Lady Wu sees the ex-pirate standing next to the Shu ruler.

Lady Wu: YOU! (Points at Gan Ning) YOU DID THIS TO HIM! (Points to Liu Bei)

Gan Ning: (Speechless)…

Lady Wu: You ugly slut! You'd better go back to cleaning the toilets right now or I'll kick you in the weak!

The ex-pirate has no choice. He sadly walks towards the toilets.

Lady Wu: Are you ok Liu Bei? Did the bad man beat you?"

Liu Bei: (Wails) I'm not fine! (Begins to cry on Lady Wu's shoulder like a little kid)

Lady Wu: Aww, that's ok, I'm sure Shang Xiang will kick his ass when she finds out. (Comforts Liu Bei)

Shang Xiang overhears the conversation form the balcony.

…………………

Shang Xiang Pov

"_Damn mom, why are you acting like this?. Don't you ever know that I hate Liu Bei? It's so easy to tell. I'd rather prefer Gan Ning that way. Or any crap. You name it!_

End of POV

………………….

Sometime later on,

Liu Bei: (Knocks on the bathroom door) get out of there, I need to use!

Gan Ning opens the door. He is still cleaning the bathroom.

Gan Ning: Go get it!

He yells at Liu Bei as he runs all the way to Shang Xiang's room since he is done.

Gan Ning: (Thoughts) I really need to tell her how I feel. (Knocks on Shang Xiang's door)

Shang Xiang: (Answers the door) Oh, hi.

It is midnight and she still isn't sleeping yet because of the whole 'Romeo and Juliet thing'. Lady Wu has been unfair to punish Gan Ning. Liu Bei has been harassing her first.

Gan Ning: Shang Xiang, I…

Just then, they are interrupted by some sounds-a chorus of farts coming form the toilet that Liu Bei was in that makes out the 'Old McDonald 'song tune.

The others wake up and complain, "What's this harassment sound in the middle of the night?"

"Can't I ever get some sleep?"

"Who's doing that?"

"Where's it coming form?"

And so on.

Everyone knows where the sound was coming from. They trace it and it leads to the bathroom. They already knew who's making those awful sounds; Liu Bei.

……………….

In the bathroom,

Liu Bei sings along happily as the 'fart music' plays.

Liu Bei: (Sings) _Old McDonald had a farm e-i-e-i-o, and on his farm he had some cows, e-i-e-i-o …_

"Liu Bei!" he can here someone shouting.

A mans voice and knocks on the door, "Stop this harassment now! Or Else!"

Shang Xiang: I need to faint. I need to die, that toilet freak is gonna' be my husband! (Faints)

Gan Ning: My woman, wake up! (Rushes to her) This calls for one thing…C.P.R!

Ling Tong: Ooh, how romantic!

Xiao: O.M.G…..you haven't even confessed that you love her.

Gan ning: So? What you're gonna' do about it?

Moments later, he finds himself been kicked in the ass.

Xiao Qiao is fanning Shang Xiang with a paper fan.

Xiao Qiao: Come on, wake up!

Gan Ning: (Grumbles) Stupid younger Qiao and her friend. I was this close to kissing my woman!

Xiao Qiao: And don't even think about it! You confess to her first!

………………

Sun Quan: Liu Bei, get your frickin' ass out here! (Pounds on the bathroom door) This is rude!

Zhou Yu: Yeah, you can't just butt in people's toilets like this!

Just then, Liu Bei has finish. He wants to flush the toilet but it's stuck.

Liu Bei: We've got a problem, the toilet's stuck!

Sun Ce: Oh no…

Da Qiao: I wonder if he ate anything funny dish during the banquet. If he did, we would be eating the same thing and…oh no!

Just then, he steps out.

Liu Bei: All done!

He walks away leaving everybody to stare and complain.

Comments come shooting out like a machine gun.

"WHAT THE HELL?"

"How rude!"

"Let's get outta' here!"

They all run away.

…………….

When dreams come true,

While Shang Xiang has fainted,

Xiao Qiao: Well, who's gonna carry her back?

Lu Xun: Don't look at me. I don't have enough strength.

Xiao Qiao: Me either.

Gan Ning: What about me?

Lu Xun: You haven't even confessed yet.

Ling Tong: Yeah right, everybody knows but her.

Gan Ning: Yeah, I know but…

The three others: What?

Gan Ning: Can I just…

The three others: No, so what are you gonna' do about it?

Gan Ning: YOU THREE BETTER LET ME CARRY HER BEFORE YOU END UP CLEANING LIU BEI'S BUISNESS IN THE TOILET!

The three others: Ok, ok!

Gan Ning: YAY, score! (Picks Shang Xiang up and carries her back to her room)

The others head back to their rooms.

* * *

**AN: Well, that's the end of my chapter. Hope you like it. **


	5. True Feelings

Chapter 5: True feelings

**Step down, back off**

**Chapter 5: True feelings**

**Well, this is just a chapter where only four characters in the story tell their true feelings. SSX IS GOING WITH GAN NING! THEIR SUCH A CUTE COUPLE!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Dynasty Warriors.**

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

_Shang Xiang:_

_You know, I wonder why everything must have to be so cruel. I mean talk about it. I hate Liu Bei and he sucks. He's 30 over and he is like way older than me. For Lady Wu's sake, do I have to marry this guy? I totally hate this. If I had one word to say, I'll say he is a 'shit eating mother frickin' idiot'._

_And there's that Gan Ning. I have a feeling he likes me. Well he is freaking me out, but he is kinda' cute. I'm sorta blushing right now. Plus, I pitied him when he had to wear a dress the other day. Xiao told me that yesterday when I fainted, he wanted to perform a C.P.R on me. But luckily she saved my life. I could have died! I don't think I'm ready for any kissing yet._

_Besides, I think he is kind of perverted. I mean he collects those 'Beach fever' magazines and completely looks up to those entire pics of woman there, you know what they wear. Well, I can say Liu Bei's worst._

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_Xiao Qiao:_

_Ok, first thing's first. I hate Liu Bei. He sucks. Damn the hell outta' him. I mean he's a total pervert who likes to flirt. That day when I passed by the guest room, I heard him saying 'my precious'. I thought he was referring to a ring actually. Buy when I peeped, I saw that he was talking to Shang Xiang's photo. What the freak? He was saying that she was sexy and all those stuff. I never told her yet. But once she hears about this, she's sooo gonna' kick his frickin' ass. And there's one more thing. Shang Xiang is pretty. But Liu Bei's ugly. When he looks at a mirror, the mirror will crack. She doesn't deserve a demon like him._

_Oh, and that Gan Ning…he is also crushing on her. I can tell that he loves her more than ever. I still remember C.P.R night. He was so happy once he got to carry her back to her room. Well, if you surveyed anyone, they'd most likely say that he is better than Liu Bei. Well, I just made that survey. Gan Ning is a pervert. But Liu Bei's much worst. YUCK! Remember, more than anything, I HATE LIU BEI! LIU BEI SUCKS! _

_Ps. Before Shang Xiang falls for Gan Ning, (if this ever happens, I spoke to a matchmaker the other day and their score turned out to be a match) he needs restraining first. Oh, and I think she kinda' likes him. And besides, I think Gan Ning's good for her. He seems to listen whenever he's around her._

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_Liu Bei:_

_I love Shang Xiang. I always loved her. She is my love, my sun, my moon, my stars and my precious. I just can't find another girl like her. I'm so drooling right now. She is sexy…boobs and butts are hot…she is sooo sweet! She's like the whole dream package! I WANT HER TO BE MY WIFE!_

_Oh and that stupid pirate, I think he wants my bride! No fair! I should get her! I'm a king and he is only a pirate. Shouldn't the princess get a king? And he beats me up. And the rest of Wu are really annoying! I hate them all! Once I marry Shang Xiang and take control of Wu, I'll eliminate all the Wu generals! Mua ha ha ha! And I'll force Xing Cai to marry my son, Liu Chan, though she is years older than him._

_Oh, and Shang Xiang's friend that younger Qiao is very annoying. She tried to kill me with poison ivy! And she vandalized my carriage; Liu Bei sucks._

_I hate her! She and her stupid ways!_

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

_Gan Ning:_

_I've had a crush on her ever since I met her. She is beautiful and hot. But she likes to call me names like 'idiotic-empty-headed maniac' useless crap and others that I forgot. She is like my Juliet and I am like her Romeo. She is sooo beautiful, too beautiful. I wish I could marry her sigh I can't. She is supposed to get married with that sissy from the Shu._

_Ya' know, sometimes what they say is right. Faith can just be so cruel sometimes. I mean why did my hot stuff have to get married with someone else? I haven't even told her how I feel yet. Does anyone think I should? I'm afraid if she might slap me or she either hates me. And I don't want that to happen. I'm lovesick. Lastly I would like say that she is the most beautiful girl ever, hotter than all the girls in the 'Beach Fever' magazine._

**AN:Ok, true feelings over. I know this chapter is weird, so let it be! Thank you Mel! You helped out a little with the Liu Bei POV. **

**Note- about Liu Bei's son, he did have a son, Liu Chan with one of his former wives and indeed, Zhang Fei's daughter, Xing Cai did marry Liu Chan historically even though she was much older than him. But she is so damn kawaii! No offense but I think it's another wasteful match. I think she is better off with Guan Ping, Guan Yu's adopted son. Maybe I might want to write a story next on this! Haha!**


	6. Chapter of unfortunate events

**Step down, back off**

**Chapter 6: Chapter of unfortunate events**

**AN: Hey guys, my sixth chapter's finally up. Sorry I took so long, I was out of humorous stuff. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Dynasty warriors**

Things were not going well. So there was another meeting held at the meeting room. It was already two weeks and they still had not yet found a way to get rid of Liu Bei. Oh, why must fate be so cruel?

"I'm bored, you bored too?" Lu Xun aid as he was playing with a paper crane.

"Yeah right, I wonder what Liu 'Bleh' would do next after the three incidents the other night," Xiao Qiao wondered.

"Yeah, I mean think about it. After all we did a lot of really mean things to him right?" Zhou Yu wondered.

Sun Ce who had an evil look on his face stood up form his chair and rubbed his palms together. "Ok, so what's the next move? I suggest we suffocate so-called Liu 'Bleh' with something…"

"With what?" asked Zhou Yu.

"I don't know…"

Xiao Qiao interrupted. "Yeah, but what about Lady Wu? What excuse do we have to make up?"

"Yeah right. We all want Liu to die because he has been a pervert, trashing our palace, getting people into trouble, jammed one of our toilets and I heard that last night he slept wearing a baboon suit on one of the peach blossom trees in the garden. He said he was 'I.R Baboon'. Ridiculous, isn't it?" said Sun Quan.

Da Qiao suddenly spoke up. "I want to excuse myself for awhile from this meeting; I've just found some interesting part to read in my book," she began to read the book that she was holding.

Taishi Ci was curious and wanted to know so he stuck his nose into other people's business. "Is it about the alien princess with three noses, one eye and one leg? Ah, she's so beautiful…"

"SHADDUP, WILL YOU! You yourself really look like an alien!" Da Qiao scolded.

XXXXXXXXX

Some time later, DA Qiao had finish reading the book. She looked up and heard the others talking.

"Weird, but I loved it. Besides, Liu should do surgery so that he can really wear a bra and audition for 'Miss World' but that would be bad because he will embarrass China in front of live television all around the world," said Sun Ce with an evil and mischievous look on his face.

"Yeah and I don't think he'll stand a chance. That will be attractive and might most probably attract Cao Cao," said his younger brother.

"What the hell did you just say, brother?"

"Wanna get Liu Bei to take an operation?" Ling Tong had an evil look on his face.

"Are you crazy!" all the others in the room yelled.

"No, besides, if he is a female he can't marry Shang Xiang anymore," said Zhou Yu.

"I think we're all talking nonsense," grumbled Zhou Tai.

XXXXXXXXXX

Liu Bei hid in the shadows overhearing all their conversations. He was so enraged that he would do anything to get back at them, take Shang Xiang for himself and destroy the kingdom of Wu. He would do anything, he would.

**AN: Well sorry that's the end of the chapter. Sorry it's very short. Anyway how did you find it interesting or not? By the way, find out how Liu Bei will get his revenge in the next chapter. Anyway do you think this chapter is insane? Ps. if you don't know who or what is I.R baboon, just e-mail me to ask. **


	7. Oh my God!

**Step down, back off**

**Chapter 8: Towards the end.**

**AN: Ok, this is the part where Liu Bei gets busted. And thank you to all those who supported me, you ROCK!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own DW.**

Sometime later, it was night fall and the Wu army returned from battle. The first thing that they saw was the three girls awaiting them at the palace gates.

"Liu Bei was no where to be found in the battlefield," Sun Ce reported as he got down from his horse.

"We know. He was here. But 'mei-mei' here busted his butt with a 'Thousand years of pain'," Da Qiao told her husband all that happened.

Xiao Qiao sighed. "Got that idea from watching too much 'Naruto' anime,"

Zhou Yu was interested. "Tell us the full story,"

The three girls told them everything.

Lu Xun thought for awhile. "Hmm…so Liu Bei had this planned all the while?"

"And we didn't see this coming," Lu Meng added.

"And he thinks we're fools!" Sun Quan yelled.

Taishi Ci sighed. "Told you he was an alien…"

Everyone sweat dropped.

Ling Tong kept on disturbing Gan Ning since the battle started until then. "Oh come on, I know you've confessed your love to her, I can see that 'look' on your face,"

"SHADDUP!!" yelled the ex-pirate. Once again, everyone sweat dropped at such childish behavior.

"Does mom know everything? Sun Ce asked his younger sister.

"Not yet, I was hoping that we'll all tell together," she answered.

They all went to tell this to Lady Wu; except for Taishi Ci who thought there is a UFO in the sky so he stayed at the palace gates.

XXXXXXXXXXX

When Lady Wu heard everything, she yelled, "WHAT?!"

Sun Ce was happy because he knew for sure that this time he would be able to get rid of Liu Bei. "Yeah, he's that type of guy that dares do this kind of stuff,"

Taishi Ci suddenly appeared. "Told ya' he was an alien,"

"Hey wait, how did you get in here?" asked Sun Quan. He thought Taishi Ci had got some magical teleporting powers from the UFO that he had claimed to have seen earlier on.

"Oh the window was open so I invited myself in," said Taishi Ci.

Everyone sweat dropped. "Ever heard of the door?"

Just then, two guards came running up to Lady Wu. "My lady, we spotted a sight of Liu Bei of Shu in your palace gardens wrecking some of the plants,"

Lady Wu: (Stands up from her throne) WHAT? Bring me there!

Everyone raced to see the trashed palace gardens. Dead flowers lay every where.

"Oh, no! Oh, pretty sparkly pink…" Lady Wu cried as she pointed to a lifeless flower. "Purple pretty purple…" she pointed to a lifeless purple flower.

Everyone remained silent. Lady Wu was extremely pissed off. "Ok, that is the last straw!"

"My lady, may I remind you that the monster didn't only do this; he tried to take your daughter by force," said Zhou Yu.

"THIS ENGAGEMENT IS SO OVER!" yelled Lady Wu.

XXXXXXXXXX

The following day, they had managed to find Liu Bei at he outskirt boundaries of the Wu kingdom. The minute Lady Wu saw him, she came stomping angrily towards him. "LIU BEI, YOU FILTH!"

Liu Bei was shocked. "So, you have all discovered my plan, huh?"

Lady Wu got even angrier. "You have deceived me! I thought that you were nice!"

"It wasn't me, it was them!" Liu bei pointed to the generals of Wu who had accompanied Lady wu to the outskirt boundaries of Wu.

Lady Wu shook her head in disbelief. "I don't believe my fellow Wu officers would do such things. You trashed my garden, started war with my kingdom and tried to take my daughter by force, didn't you?"

"Yeah, so?"

"GET HIM!!" yelled the others.

"This engagement is so off!" said Lad Wu as she walked away form Liu Bei.

Gan Ning immediately ran up to Lady Wu. "My lady, can your daughter go with me?" he was on his knees.

Lady Wu thought for awhile. "Hmm…I guess that will be okay,"

Gan ning cheered. "Yes! Thank you, my lady. You are the best. I grant you prosperity and may you live long,"

"Aww…" Lady Wu started pinching his cheeks. "Aren't you sweet? You are just the perfect man for my little girl, although I would like to advise you to wear a shirt,"

"Then I will…anything for Shang Xiang!"

-TO BE CONTINUED-

**AN: Well that's all. It all ends in the next chapter. **


	8. Towards the end

**Step down, back off**

**Chapter 8: Towards the end.**

**AN: Ok, this is the part where Liu Bei gets busted. And thank you to all those who supported me, you ROCK!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own DW.**

**

* * *

**

Sometime later,

The army returns from battle. They see the three girls of Wu awaiting them at the palace gates.

Sun Ce: Liu Bei was no where to be found in the battlefield.

Da Qiao: We know. He was here. But 'mei-mei' here busted his butt with a 'Thousand years of pain'.

Xiao Qiao: (Sighs) got that idea from watching too much 'Naruto' anime.

Zhou Yu: Tell us all about it.

The three girls tell them all about it.

Lu Xun: Hmm…so Liu Bei had this planned all the while.

Lu Meng: And we didn't see this coming.

Sun Quan: And he thinks we're fools!

Taishi Ci: Told you he was an alien…

Everyone: (Sweat drops)

Ling Tong: Oh come on, I know you;ve confessed your love to her, I can see that 'look' on your face.

Gan Ning: (Dreamy look on his face) SHADDUP!

Sun Ce: Does mom know everything?

Shang Xiang: Not yet, I was hoping that we'll all tell together.

They all go to tell this to Lady Wu, except Taishi Ci who thinks there is a UFO in the sky so he stays at the palace gates. For the info, it is night time.

………….

Lady Wu: WHAT!

Sun Ce: Yeah, he's that type of guy that dares do these kind of stuff.

Xiao Qiao: I helped Wu a bit by using 'Thousand years of pain'.

Sun Quan: Now what?

Taishi Ci suddenly appears.

Taishi Ci: Told ya' he was an alien.

Sun Quan: Hey wait, how did you get in here?

He thought Taishi Ci had got some magical teleporting powers from the aliens.

Taishi Ci: Oh the window was open so I invited myself in.

Everyone: (Sweat drops) Ever heard of the door?

Lu Xun: Yeah, so that's what we're about to say.

Just then, two guards came running up to Lady Wu.

Guards: My lady, we spotted a sight of Liu Bei of Shu in your palace gardens wrecking some of the plants!

Lady Wu: (Stands up from her throne) WHAT? Bring me there!

They all raced to see the trashed palace gardens. Dead flowers lay every where.

Lady Wu: Oh no! Oh pretty sparkly pink… (Points to a lifeless flower), Purple pretty purple… (Points to a lifeless purple flower)

Everyone: (Silent)

Lady Wu: What kind of a monster would do this?

Zhou Yu: My lady, may I remind you that the monster didn't only do this, he tried to take your daughter by force.

Lady Wu: Ok, now I understand. THIS ENGAGEMENT IS SO OVER!

………….

Later on,

At the outskirt boundaries of the Wu kingdom,

Lady Wu: LIU BEI, YOU FILTH!

Liu Bei: So, you have all discovered my plan, huh?

Lady Wu: you have deceived me! I thought that you were nice!

Liu Bei: It wasn't me, it was them! (Points to the others)

Lady Wu: (Shakes her head) I don't believe my fellow Wu officers would do such things. You trashed my garden, started war with my kingdom and tried to take my daughter by force, didn't you?

Liu Bei: Yeah, so?

The others: GET HIM!

Lady Wu: this engagement is so off!

Gan Ning: My lady, can your daughter go with me?

Lady Wu: Hmm…I guess that will be okay.

Gan ning: Yes! Thank you, my lady. You are the best. I grant you prosperity and may you live long.

Lady WU: Aww… (Pinches his cheeks) Aren't you sweet? You are just the perfect man for my little girl, although I would like to advise you to wear a shirt.

Gan Ning: Then I will…anything for Shang Xiang.

…

-TO BE CONTINUED-

* * *

**AN: Well that's all. It all ends in the next chapter. **


	9. Alls well ends well

**Step down, back off **

**Chapter 9-Alls well ends well**

**AN: Ok it all ends here! Oh and thanks to Ky0-ChAn196 for the plastic sword idea. YOU ROCK! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own DW.**

"Just you watch, I shall land a thousand sieges on your kingdom!" Liu Bei cursed as he showed his fist.

"Nah, I don't think you can at all," said Sun Ce coolly.

"I must agree with my sword brother on that matter," Zhou Yu agreed. "I've been hearing complains from your kingdom. They wonder why you have to make war just because of a girl,"

"Yeah, you'd better watch out before your whole kingdom turns you into their 'hatred idol' and abandon you," Lu Xun added.

Ling Tong spoke up. "Besides, I think Gan Ning's just right for Shang Xiang,"

Lu Meng totally agreed. "I must agree on that matter,"

"But don't worry, you can still fall in love with an alien princess!" said Taishi Ci to Liu Bei. Everyone sweat dropped. Liu Bei was enraged. "Oh yah, you wanna bet? Your silly little miserable kingdom of Wu is nothing but the dump of China to me!"

"OH MY GOSH! HOW DARE YOU?!" Lady Wu screamed. Before you knew it, Liu Bei's Shu generals appeared behind him.

"You're a tyrant! I can't believe I was loyal to you!" Zhao Yun yelled.

"Me too!" Ma Chao agreed.

"And to think that I've worked as a strategist for you? You didn't even care when Huang Zhong passed away in the 'banquet war'," Zhuge Liang added.

"I must agree with my husband on this matter," Yue Ying agreed with her husband.

Zhang Fei and Guan Yu appeared. "We can't believe that you are our sworn brother!"

Xing Cai appeared as well. "I can't believe you are my sworn uncle!"

"Me too. And this is all for the sake of a girl?" asked Guan Ping.

The hustle and bustle kept going on. All of the Shu generals (except Liu Bei) turn and walked away back to their own kingdom, leaving Liu Bei behind.

"Bye-bye, you will make a worthless husband anyway," Shang Xiang yelled rudely after Liu Bei. Every one of the Wu generals turned and headed back to the palace.

…..

So, Shang Xiang and Gan Ning got their wedding planned a few months from then and their wedding will be soon. Ling Tong is still teasing Gan Ning about his new 'bride' and Gan Ning punches him back and they end up in a fight that ends up tearing the whole place down. Taishi Ci is still obsessed with aliens and reading sci-fi. Xiao Qiao is still her normal happy-go-lucky self. Da Qiao will be helping with the wedding planning and the others are all just fine-happy as usual while Liu Bei has got a lot of explaining to do in the kingdom of Shu. It could even take him years to make up some good reasons for his explanation. And Lady Wu is happy with Shang Xiang and her new husband. And Gan Ning has finally worn a shirt with long sleeves. Well that's the story and you know it. The princess has finally found her soul mate (some say prince and the prince is a pirate-whatever!)

Anyway everyone can live in peace now.

-THE END-

AN: Ok, after two months this has finally come to an end. Well, I hope you enjoyed it because it was my first fiction, so sorry if I didn't do very well and sorry if this chapter was kinda short. Please read and review.


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